St Patrick’s Day: not only the only ethnic celebration to be observed on a wide scale internationally, it’s the only celebration to be centered almost entirely around drinking. We suspect that one of these things might be related to the other. The honor given to St Patrick is partially based on the legend that in the fifth century he drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Presumably, he then pulled out a keg of Guiness to those around him and said “Okay, let’s do this.”
And why not celebrate? If you have any Irish blood in you, be thankful, because it’s one of the few ethnic backgrounds that is fashionable these days. Think about it: do people go around celebrating being English? Do English people get cool movies made about them being divine assassins and fighting Daniel Day-Lewis? No; they just get to be the bad guys in sci-fi movies.
If you don’t have Irish blood in you, now is the chance to get some. And by ‘blood’ we mean ‘beer’. And by ‘beer’ we mean ‘a lot of it’.
And you can do it while wearing one of these T-shirts:
Or if that doesn’t suit, one of our other fine St Patrick’s Day T-shirts, like this one. Keep in mind that unlike Fosters beer and Australia, people in the country that Guinness is associated with actually do drink it, so don’t worry at all about being inauthentic.
Viking Quest might be a fictional show, but if it weren’t, we would definitely watch it. Why? Because it’s about Vikings, greatly underappreciated in this ‘all ninjas and pirates, all the time’ culture of ours. Where are the epic movies about lone Vikings rebelling against the masters that raised them and setting out on their own quests? Or sailing the oceans, going on magical quests and fighting Kraken? Nowhere, that’s where. This is despite the fact that Vikings could easily do these things as well as ninjas and pirates, if not better. Do ninjas drink funeral ale and cremate themselves in goddam burning boats? Did pirates have their own afterlife featuring buxom women and beer? No, they did not.
Many things could be behind this dearth of real TV shows and movies about Vikings. Maybe all the rape and plunder of other sovereign nations is a sensitive issue in today’s PC-sensitive world. Maybe everyone is caught up over the fact that Vikings didn’t really wear those helmets with the horns stuck to them, and the technical quibbles are holding up production. Maybe they are holding out until the pirate craze finally dies down, and Vikings are destined to be the next Big Thing. Or maybe it’s a sensitivity related to football teams. But let’s face it: the most likely explanation is that the movie and television industries are run by a secret cabal of samurai, reacting against their natural enemy.
In the meantime, encourage Viking pride by celebrating Entourage’s portrayal of Vikings with this fine T-shirt.
So Chuck Norris jokes might be getting a bit old, you think. Also, the guy shaved his beard. You ever want an experience with soul-crushing terror that rips apart everything you thought was safe and familiar in the world, have a look at Chuck Norris without a beard.
But hey, beards grow back. And in the meantime you can take comfort in this poster:
Yes, Chuck Norris had the balls to make a movie co-starring a dog. Also, look at that photo of the guy. Not only is he not practicing gun safety, he is actually apparently trying to fire the gun with his second knuckle. Now given that he’s a cop and has presumably has at least some pistol training, one must conclude that he has deliberately chosen his idiosyncratic gun habits because he’s just that good. After all, he doesn’t really have to rely on guns when he has a) world-class martial arts skills and b) a dog partner.
All else aside, how could there be anything wrong with admiring a dude who is that sure about himself? It leads one to believe that maybe he shaved off his beard for a good reason, one that is simply beyond the comprehension of us normal people.
Which is why it’s still okay to wear this t-shirt. In fact, it’s a must.
It is good to see that these days the Jews are finally getting back their old reputation for being hardcore. It started with films like the Hebrew Hammer, and slogans like this one based on the work of this guy. Now, with a rash of movies such as Defiance, Munich and Inglorious Basterds, it is truly reaching a peak. Who cares if not all of these movies embrace historical accuracy? If Jewish hardcore-ness has been overlooked for that long, you might need to exaggerate a bit sometimes to make up for this awful loss.
So you don’t remember too much of an old reputation for being hardcore, you say. Well, here is a great story about Moses, from an online collection of badass bible stories:
An Egyptian soldier is wailing on a hapless Hebrew when Moses, clothed in head-to- toe black, drops down from the ceiling. Moving with cat-like grace, he sneaks up behind the soldier and, taking his head in his hands, snaps the man's neck with one savage twist. As the lifeless body slumps to the ground, Moses lights up a cigar. "Well," he quips, "looks like someone bit off more than he couldJew."
Now that a Jewish holiday is coming up, it’s time to spread the pride in this long history of badassery. If you are not feeling quite that hardcore, you can always fall back on your sense of humor and/or fine sense of t-shirt-wearing.
Who hasn’t had that dream of chasing down their enemies while riding on a Luck Dragon? That’s one fantasy that is truly timeless. However, the famous Luck Dragon in the Neverending Story isn’t the only entity who has ever carried this name. It was also the name of an old Japanese fishing boat. When the Americans blew the crap out of an island in the Pacific 1954, the Daigo Fukuryuu Maru or 'Luck Dragon 5’ was fishing for tuna in the area, presumably because there weren’t any whales around. The crew was exposed to the radiation and the captain died. America then attempted to cover up the incident.
That isn’t lucky, you say. Well, in the long term, the understandable paranoia felt by the Japanese over nuclear weapons and contaminated fish led to the eventual creation of the genre of Japanese gaiju or radiation-monster films, such as Godzilla, Mothra and Gamera. Without wanting to sounding flippant, if all it takes for films of such greatness to be made is for thousands of miles of ocean wildlife to be contaminated with radiation and for an innocent man to die a slow painful death, maybe it isn’t all bad. I’m sure many of us would volunteer for a similar death if we knew that eventually, such utter greatness would come of it.
So luck dragons might not have been that lucky for the Japanese in 1954, but it all turned out okay in the end. Maybe they can be lucky for you too when you wear this Luck Dragon t-shirt.
Hopefully, that luck won’t involve any form of radiation.
Shotguns and the evil undead have enjoyed a long-standing love affair. Many types of weapons have been popular for taking down such creatures: swords, axes, cricket bats, crossbows, the ever-popular chainsaw. But there is nothing like the power of a shotgun to unleash the destruction required to bring down an ultimate creature of evil. In fact, the two are so entwined that today things like this are not at all uncommon. But what if you find yourself back in time, before the age of modern technology? Well for one, there is this:
This will teach you all you need to know on the non-supernatural realm, as well as guaranteeing you a spot as the greatest person in history. (That is, if you are prepared for the soul-crushing horror when you return to your own time and realize that you have changed history, and that everything and everyone that you knew is no more. But on the bright side, you’ll be really famous.) But if you are being attacked by Lovecraftian horrors from beyond time and space, then what you really need is this t-shirt for inspiration and a gun to back you up.
This shirt, along with a limitless supply of ammo, will probably do you fine. Note: do not try the same trick if you have not travelled back in time and are just lost in a foreign nation and you think it looks kind of backwards. They probably have AK-47s, and they will kill you.
Let’s face it, making fun of Japanese advertisements is like shooting fish in a really small barrel. If you’re in Japan, you can basically pick an ad off the TV at random, put it up on Youtube, and get 10,000 comments, 2,000 of which will be mildly racist. But it’s still acceptable, because they do the same thing to us as well. For example, take a look at this commercial, featuring Nicolas “Not the Bees” Cage:
Seeing this ad, Americans can now experience what it feels like to be on the receiving end of crass ethnic stereotypes. First, check out Nick Cage’s accent. Do you think he really talks like that? No, but that’s how the Japanese ad industry thinks Americans talk. Second, he is driving down a deserted highway in a pickup truck wearing a cowboy hat. When he meets the aliens, he invites them to do a hoedown. This is clearly the Japanese equivalent of how us Westerners imagine the Japanese; constantly eating sushi in an ancient Shinto temple decorated with samurai swords, wearing a kimono and watching tentacle porn. And possibly also being a ninja.
If you love films or hit TV shows, you'll cherish our unique and eye-catching t-shirts. We offer movie inspired tees, tv quote shirts, and totally original vintage retro style funny shirts. You're sure get noticed wearing these clever designs.
