All Great Men Have Mustaches

The American Mustache Institute has recently compiled a list of mustache styles so you can choose your own, or classify the one that you are lucky enough to already have.

Why grow a mustache? Because as the shirt says, all great men – whether fictional or historical – have had mustaches.

For example:

• Jesus
• Satan
• That dude on Mythbusters
• Inigo Montoya
• Conan the Barbarian
• That guy in Tombstone. No, the other one. Wait, they all had mustaches. Which proves the point really.
• Winston Churchill (Note: His mustache was bigger than Hitler’s, which is why the Nazis lost the war)

And if the rules of logic have taught us nothing else, and they haven’t, it’s that any man can obtain similar greatness simply by also having a mustache. Think about it: can you think of a single great man who didn’t have a mustache? I didn’t think so.

Unfortunately mustaches are neither as common nor as appreciated as they once were. Maybe it’s the meaningless whims of fashion, too much estrogen in the water supply. Whatever it is, these days it takes an especially bold man (or woman, with the right attitude, and maybe some hormone injections) to throw off the bonds of non-mustache mediocrity and embrace the ‘stache.

Now there is a t-shirt to further display your point of view to the world.

It can also be worn by those who due to their genetic fate, or simply because they are otherwise constantly mistaken for pedophiles, cannot grow a mustache of their own. With this shirt you can support the cause even while keeping your upper lip smooth and relatively hairless.