Zombie Marathon

This fine shirt demonstrates a true preference in the fast vs slow zombies dichotomy, which has played out in film and real life for decades. Slow zombies are the shuffling, rambling sort epitomized in such movies as Night of the Living Dead, Shaun of the Dead, and various zombie marches throughout the years. The slightly less common but still popular fast zombies are found in such classics as Return of the Living Dead, 28 Days Later, Zombieland, and countless video games whose makers figured out that players found it a bit dull to have a corpse shuffling towards them for ten full minutes.

Now, some have argued that the more traditional ‘slow zombies’ are the only real kind, more genuine and true to the zombie spirit. They point out that the original horror evoked by zombies was one of slow attrition: the shambling corpse can be easily outrun by the faster living, but the living are gradually worn down by fatigue or sheer numbers, driven insane by the relentless pursuit of the slow, steady undead.

These people may be right, but let’s face it, fast zombies that can catch up with your lively, non-undead terrified sprinting are really much more likely to kill you. And being eaten alive by zombies is a lot more frightening than the existential angst caused by a corpse’s relentless slow march.

Whatever your reasons, you can celebrate your love of fast zombies – or just zombies in general – by wearing this shirt.