It's All Good In The Hood

It’s been clear since the famous flash video was released over five years ago that Mr. Rogers is actually the most hardcore person that ever lived. The fact that he was a Marine sniper/Navy SEAL/trained killer/etc has entered the popular culture, and the fact that the real Mr. Rogers never actually served in the military has had no power to stop it:

"On another note, there was this wimpy little man (who just passed away) on PBS, gentle and quiet. Mr. Rogers is another of those you would least suspect of being anything but what he now portrays to our youth. But Mr. Rogers was a U.S. Navy Seal, combat-proven in Vietnam with over twenty-five confirmed kills to his name. He wore a long-sleeve sweater to cover the many tattoos on his forearm and biceps. A master in small arms and hand-to-hand combat, able to disarm or kill in a heartbeat. He hid that away and won our hearts with his quiet wit and charm."

Why do we want to believe this? Because it’s fucking awesome. We all would sleep better at night if we were more convinced that behind the gentle, calm exterior of this children’s entertainer lies the soul of an effective killer. We can tell ourselves that if the apocalypse ever comes, we can rely not just on ourselves but on the kindly elderly neighbor next door, who presumably has arms full of tattoos and a basement stocked with fully-automatic weapons hidden behind shelves of old preserves.

In reality, the closest thing to a truly hardcore Mr. Rogers is this guy. His name is Peter Rogers, and he gained eternal fame when he got his left hand cut off in a bar fight, and then continued to punch his attacker with the bloody stump. If that’s not true hardcore, I’m not sure what is.

But we can still continue the legend. Celebrate the real or wished-for hardcoreness of Mr. Rogers with this t-shirt.