Unlike what popular culture has led us to believe, hippopotamuses are total badasses. Don’t believe me? Here is a video of a hippo taking on a fucking bull shark.
That’s right, he takes that 11-foot-long deadly aquatic predator and chomps his head like he’s made out of delicious taffy, and this after the shark can’t even succeed in breaking the hippo’s skin. And although you can’t tell in the animation, it’s pretty obvious that the hippo is enjoying it.
So how did the hippo get its undeserved reputation for being cute and cuddly? It probably has a lot to do with its adorably round body, funny-shaped head and charmingly crooked teeth, which makes it look about as harmless as a giant, obese cow who’s wandered into water and doesn’t quite know how to get out. You expect it to come up to you and bother you for food, not come up to you and use you for food. Oh, and they also have a habit of trampling anyone who comes in between them and a river. How do you know if you’re between a hippo and a river? Well there’s really only one way to be sure: are you being trampled to death by an oddly puffy-looking death machine?
In fact, these remarkably funny-looking creatures are responsible for more deaths in Africa than any other creature: tigers, lions, crocodiles, everything. Maybe they’re just angry at humanity for thousands of years of pointing and laughing about how cute they are.
You can start the battle for educating the world on hippo misinformation by proudly wearing this shirt:
Remember, the Hungry Hungry Hippos game was a lie. By all accounts, those tiny marble things that the hippos consumed should have been shaped like tiny humans. And sharks.