Movie Quote T-Shirts, TV Quote Shirts, Funny Original Retro T-Shirts

Only 3 days left to order before Christmas!

2011-12-17T11:36:00.000-08:00

Check out Clutch Tees for the best selection in funny t-shirts and vintage tees. There are 3 more days to place your order. You can place your orders after Tuesday, but you'll have to pay for rush shipping. Use coupon code FREESHIP820 when you order 2 regularly priced shirts and you'll receive free standard shipping.

Here's a selection of newly available vintage iron-on transfers from the 70s and 80s. These rare designs are out of print, and hard to find: Vintage T-Shirts

Black Friday Coupons!

2011-11-28T10:44:00.001-08:00

Save 20% off everything at ClutchTees.com today only! Use coupon code CYBERMON20 at checkout.

2011-10-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

You can dress for your Halloween party at almost no cost by getting a shirt from Clutch Tees. Now they are running a special for $5. You can collect more than $5 worth of candy or drink more than $5 worth of beer with a minimal investment. That is the best deal you'll find anywhere for Halloween. You don't have to paint your face or cut up a sheet. Just get a tee shirt for $5, put it on and show up. In this economy you can get all the candy you'll need until Xmas and not even use any food stamps. Isn't that scary?

Today is the last day for $5 off Clutch Tees $10 overstock tees! That means you can get a great t-shirt, normally $20+ for just $5. Use code 10NOW5 at checkout!

Vintage T-Shirts

2011-09-09T08:02:00.000-07:00

Check out our newest improvements over at Vintage-Tees.com where we post the best retro t-shirts from the web.

Fantasy Football Legend

2011-08-31T13:25:00.000-07:00

Another fan...

I am an avid fantasy footfall participant. I have three different teams in three different leagues. One of leagues is local and we have a live draft every year to start the season. Now these guys take this very seriously. At the live draft there is always a lot of beer drinking, trash talking and arguments about players and management. I showed up wearing the 'Fantasy Football Legend' shirt and if I weren't 6' 4", 225, I think I would have had to defend myself and my shirt. Great shirt Clutch Tees. Keep that stuff coming.

Mathlete Shirt

2011-08-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

Fan mail...umm yeah.

I love the "Mathlete' Tee shirt. When I wear it around campus and especially in the student union, it's a chick magnet. I get all kinds of hot girls who have to fulfill a math requirement for their BA asking if I can help them. They would never approach me if I post an offer to tutor math but when I wear the shirt, they come up and ask me for help with problems. It's the best way for me to meet all those girls who are Art and English majors. None of them are ever in my classes for obvious reasons. Thank you Clutch Tees for all those hot, needy women.

Vintage Hipster T-Shirts

2011-08-16T15:10:00.000-07:00

As you know I am obsessed with all things vintage...and especially all things celebrating the sweet decade I was born: the 1980’s! I happened to be searching online for some some tshirts for an upcoming 80’s party that I’m going to, and I came across these beauties on www.ClutchTees.com. First of all, check out the entire site because it’s ridiculously awesome. I’m definitely going to be doing my holiday shopping here, so get excited! They have a great shirts for all you nerds, politicos, and movie gurus. But, what really struck me are the “rad” vintage shirts. Didn’t everyone drive a Blazer in high school? I’m sure I made out with at least 2 guys in the back seat of one of these. I’m going a Legwarmer’s concert in a few weeks and it’s a toss up between this Burning Rubber 1986 shirt oooor the ever so classy Sunset Sailing Tee. Do I go car-girl tough or keep it real with a nautical themed 80’s look? Which do you think Zack Morris would like best? Maybe I’ll have to buy both and make at game time decision. Heck if you buy 2 shirts, they give you 10% off using the promo code “10FORME” at checkout. It would be foolish not to purchase both!

You can't win friends with salad Tshirts

2011-07-08T22:51:00.000-07:00

I still remember the episode the "Lisa the Vegeterian".. Where Lisa's the most normal character on the show. It's funny when she faints and laughs and the rest are crazy.

Here we present the funny shirt that says You can't win friends with salad Tshirts.

Funny Shirts, Clutch Tees, You can't win friends with salad Tee

2011-05-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

The weather's hot and you got to get out there. Let them know you' re in the game and ready to play . If you're out the there tell the world. No better way than to stick on your chest. The first thing to come into sight. Better and cheaper than a bill board.

Get your "It's Summer I'm single " shirt.

Vintage Dukes Of Hazzard Shirt

2011-05-17T20:48:00.001-07:00

The Dukes of Hazzard 80s t shirt. The Dukes of Hazard t shirt is a great shirt for any 80s tv t shirt fan.

The Dukes of Hazzard TV show originally aired from 1979 to 1985. The TV series followed the adventures of two cousins, Bo and Luke Duke, who raced around in their 1969 Dodge Charger, The General Lee, trying to evade the crooked Boss Hogg and his incompetent sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane.

Hungry, Hungry Hippos. Really hungry.

2010-12-09T17:23:00.000-08:00

Unlike what popular culture has led us to believe, hippopotamuses are total badasses. Don’t believe me? Here is a video of a hippo taking on a fucking bull shark.

That’s right, he takes that 11-foot-long deadly aquatic predator and chomps his head like he’s made out of delicious taffy, and this after the shark can’t even succeed in breaking the hippo’s skin. And although you can’t tell in the animation, it’s pretty obvious that the hippo is enjoying it.

So how did the hippo get its undeserved reputation for being cute and cuddly? It probably has a lot to do with its adorably round body, funny-shaped head and charmingly crooked teeth, which makes it look about as harmless as a giant, obese cow who’s wandered into water and doesn’t quite know how to get out. You expect it to come up to you and bother you for food, not come up to you and use you for food. Oh, and they also have a habit of trampling anyone who comes in between them and a river. How do you know if you’re between a hippo and a river? Well there’s really only one way to be sure: are you being trampled to death by an oddly puffy-looking death machine?

In fact, these remarkably funny-looking creatures are responsible for more deaths in Africa than any other creature: tigers, lions, crocodiles, everything. Maybe they’re just angry at humanity for thousands of years of pointing and laughing about how cute they are.

You can start the battle for educating the world on hippo misinformation by proudly wearing this shirt:

Remember, the Hungry Hungry Hippos game was a lie. By all accounts, those tiny marble things that the hippos consumed should have been shaped like tiny humans. And sharks.

Battlestar Prime

2010-11-04T11:10:00.000-07:00

When the remake of the 1978 series and movie Battlestar Galactica was announced many years ago, actor Dirk Benedict complained that the new show’s producers had changed his cigar-smoking, womanizing character Starbuck into a woman. His written complaints gave the world the immortal line ‘men hand out cigars, women ‘hand out’ babies.’ He was widely ridiculed and everyone agreed that the new Battlestar Galactica was much better.

However, he did have something of a point. The new Battlestar is indeed missing a few things:

- A monkey dressed as a space dog. That’s right, not one monkey dressed in orange carpet studded with bits of metal appeared in the new Battlestar Galactica during its four-season run. They could have at least paid tribute to the original by having a space dog or two loping along in the background during one scene. Blame animal rights groups, who probably propagate ridiculous lies about it being somehow cruel to dress a chimp up as a dog for several years and play it for laughs. They’d probably insist that any monkey-based space dogs be created with heartless CG.

- Homoerotic sports uniforms. If there’s one thing the original Battlestar told us about the alternate future-world BSG was set in, it’s that they liked their awkwardly revealing 80’s style sports uniforms. Instead, new BSG insisted on having people play sport wearing normal-looking uniforms. Their uniforms weren’t even sparkly or particularly skin-tight. And what is sci-fi without awkwardly skin-tight uniforms? Nothing.

- Translation machines called ‘languatrons’! Not one! Instead, everyone just speaks boring English.

If you agree with these deficiencies (and who wouldn’t?) celebrate the old, classic Battlestar Galactica with this retro t-shirt.

The Definition of Halloween

2010-10-26T14:09:00.000-07:00

Finally, it is here, the sexy Wookiee costume. Because if there’s one thing that has passed through the mind of every young man who has seen any movie in the original Star Wars trilogy, it’s “I wish somebody would combine Wookiees, and the attractiveness of sexy young women.” Really, there’s nothing that goes together more naturally than giant, hairy aliens that scream a lot, and healthy human attraction.

Luckily our prayers have been answered! This year’s hot new costume is the Sexy Wookiee, also known as ‘You made my mind imagine things that I can’t unsee’.

Also available at the same site is the Sexy Stormtrooper, because of course we all had hidden fantasies about those guys when they were doing sexy things like getting shot and bumping their heads on doors, and all were just waiting to see what they would look like as attractive women. Well, now we don’t have to wait any longer.

(You might argue that well, Leia dressed up as a Stormtrooper once, so it’s not that weird to make a skimpy female costume out of it. Well, Leia also dressed up in a gold bikini. What the hell is wrong with just wearing that?)

But the crème de la crème is the Sexy Darth Vader costume, because everyone who saw Star Wars was also fantasizing about running their fingers over that blue, veiny skin… okay, we’ll stop.

The point is the one expressed on this T-shirt, that for many young women, Halloween is just an excuse to get anything in the universe and make a slutty costume out of it. And sometimes, it goes too far.

Halloween: an excuse for girls to dress like sluts.

Revenge of the Tea Bag

2010-10-18T17:53:00.000-07:00

So, you're planning to attend Jon Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity on Oct 30. Go you! Before you head out, here are a few pointers for those of you who haven't attended rallies before:

1. Don't sing any of those protest songs or chants, no matter how clever you think they are. Yes, this still applies no matter how many clever phrases you came up with to rhyme with 'boobies'.

2. Make sure you spell-check your sign carefully. Nobody wants to be this guy:

3. Unless it is your deliberate intention to do otherwise, make sure your sign makes sense. Once again, you don't want to be this person. You might want to try checking with a friend. Make a note of whether their response is "Oh, I see your point," or "Wait, what? Jersey girls? Debt? Fidel Castro?"

4. If you're among those who think that protesting always includes clashing with police in riot gear, you might want to consider staying home and just beating yourself up instead. Nobody likes the guy who wants to clash with police in riot gear. He's like the dude who crashes your birthday party and then starts taking dares about how many of your live pet goldfish he can swallow.

5. Try not to compare anyone to Hitler. Yes, that includes drawing those mustaches on people. Try to be a bit more creative in your hyperbole and use someone different, like Stalin, or Vlad the Impaler.

6. Wear one of our t-shirts! We have a wide range of shirts for all of your protest needs. Whether it's Faux News, Jesus ponies:

...endorsement of the controversial Palin/Voldemort presidential campaign, or the most profound question of all:

... we have the shirts for you! On October 30, express yourself with one of our fine t-shirts. Especially this one:

The Humans Are Dead

2010-09-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

It's quite clear that the Japanese are trying to kill us all. We thought they were among the least threatening of modern day nations, having recently turned away from warlike impulses and instead devoted themselves to Hello Kitty and fuel-efficient motorcycles. But clearly it has all been an act. Beneath the non-threatening exterior, the Japanese nation as a whole is clearly devoting itself to killing off humans altogether.

That’s a harsh judgment, you might say. Well, just take a look at videos like this one:

Now, building robots for carrying out heavy work or vacuuming rooms is one thing. This robot, though, apparently has no other purpose other than to get people to approach it saying something like “What is that? Some sort of freaky alien experiment?” and then quickly kill them while laughing and staring with its cold, dead eyes. It serves no function other than to look like something out of a dystopian horror movie. Apparently, the evil robot is meant to imitate a one-to-two-year-old baby in terms of movement and vocalizations. And yet it’s four foot tall. Clearly they’re building up to the toddler model, which will stand at nine feet and throw tantrums in which is rips apart human beings like they were dolls.

So why are the Japanese doing this? Do they expect to be accepted as the new robot masters? Are they hoping the robots will kill them last? Do they simply want giant killer robots to help them fight against their ultimate enemy, the whales? The answer will not be clear until the robot takeover.

For now though, there is this shirt, based on the Flight of the Conchords song of the same theme. Clearly, these guys know what is coming.

No Soup For You

2010-09-07T23:04:00.000-07:00

These days, it is generally agreed that calling someone a Nazi online is, or should be, an automatic debate killer. After all, according to one of the most important rules of the Internet, comparing your opponent to Hitler in any way means that you automatically lose the argument. Strongly implying that he is Hitler by references to 'mein Fuhrer', National Socialists, camps, or even the phrase "You know who else was a vegetarian?" is also strongly frowned upon.

The idea is, presumably, that comparing your opponent to someone so extraordinarily horrible invalidates your argument, because it’s unreasonable to asusme that your conversation partner could compare on the morality scale to someone who brought about the deaths of tens of millions of human beings. That’s right, even if they’re arguing in favor of Michael Bay movies.

But is that always the intention when we play the Hitler card on people who are wrong on the Internet? After all, in popular culture these days, Hitler is less a monster and more a figure of riotous fun. Calling someone 'Hitler', then, is less about you having a skewed or absent sense of proportion, and more along the lines of you calling them a ridiculous douchebag. It might not be historically sensitive, but on the Internet, it’s the way things have turned out.

And for this, we can probably thank the original bearer of the exaggerated Hitleresque moniker, The Soup Nazi, and his great phrase:

The 'No Soup For You' guy is probably the one who started it all, and good or bad, he has played a big role in reducing Hitler and Nazis from the world’s greatest monsters to a bunch of weirdo schmucks. Wear this T-shirt, and celebrate this iconic legend.

Look! Shiny!

2010-08-11T19:01:00.000-07:00

ADHD. Maybe you’ve got the form that needs to be treated with medication before you can keep your life in order. Maybe you have a milder version, and are just sitting at a computer with 15 different browser tabs open, your eyes occasionally flicking to the Media Player screen open at the top left corner of your monitor, while all the while your mind wonders about whether or not you should check out the definition of ‘palimpsest’ and what kind of bird could possibly be making that weird squeaking noise you hear in the distance.

It’s not an easy life for these semi-sufferers, but for many of us, it’s a satisfactory one. Unmedicated but not quite among the normals, we go through our days endlessly amused by wind chimes and passing butterflies, and mentally building up lists of things to Google later and add to our trusty collection of browser tabs. For those of us on Ritalin, the onset of medication time is reliably indicated by our suddenly renewed interest on what that bug is doing there, and how long – wait, what?

The good news for all of those affected by ADHD is that among all the developmental disorders out there, it’s probably the one that’s easiest to make jokes about. Joking about autism or Angelman’s syndrome seems at least kind of wrong, but the existence of ADHD allows us to enjoy videos such as this:

Now, you can celebrate your membership of this exclusive club with this t-shirt:

And if anyone doesn’t get the logo, the shirt will give you good motivation to go on talking to them long enough to explain it, before you get distracted by the flashing sign down the road and have to politely excuse yourself.

Not So Hungry Hippo

2010-07-29T20:22:00.000-07:00

It’s obvious that board games offer a distorted picture of real life. The Game of Life is a good example. It’s physically impossible for players to land on a ‘have children’ spot before they pass the ‘get married’ stage, unrealistically eliminating one of the main reasons people get married in the first place. Everyone gets to have a house, and there’s no student loan cards even if you choose to go to college. And to top it off, you get to retire in all perpetuity without dying. They could have at least added in a final death card to give it an air of authenticity, with a chunk of your ultimate earnings going towards funeral expenses and death taxes.

Monopoly goes in the opposite direction from this false paradise, offering a view of a harsh, unforgiving life in which land owners must still pay rent, are arbitrarily jailed and released by a fascist state, and nobody can ever, ever just stay home.

Then there’s the Hungry Hungry Hippos game, promoting the idea of hippos as chubby, loveable larks. And admittedly, they’re quite cute when they’re babies. But hippos also hold the prize for being the number one human-killing animal in all of Africa, far surpassing ‘scarier’ animals like crocodiles, lions, tigers, hunting dogs and rhinos. Why? Well, one reason is hippos are unusually aggressive and tend to attack without provocation. Another reason, yet to be explored in depth by the scientific community, is that people have been lulled by childhoods playing unrealistic board games and are approaching adorable hippos en masse to offer them a snack.

Make your statement on the grave inaccuracy of board games with this t-shirt:

How To Be Cool

2010-07-15T19:13:00.000-07:00

Let’s face it, the people around you are terminally uncool. Which is why you may have the need to wear this t-shirt:

But if that’s not enough, here are a few tips for you to become even cooler:

Hang out in Wal-mart: Wal-mart is a great place for cheap furniture, plus sized clothes made out of latex, and anything formed from molded plastic. But there’s also another advantage, which is that being surrounded by obese women with beards and men wearing capes will make you look far cooler in comparison. You will gain cool points just for walking unassisted without a cane one of those motorized buggies. (But keep in mind that this could also backfire. Sure, people wear superhero costumes to Wal-mart. But doesn’t that just prove that they don’t care what other people think about them? They want to wear a superhero costume, it makes them happy, and gosh darn they’re going to do it. That gains you a lot of cool points. So be sure to only hang out in the sections of Wal-mart with the people dressed in boring clothes that they probably bought at a different section of Wal-mart.

Read an Internet list on how to be cool: This will definitely make you cool, because all cool people get their advice from content sites on the Internet.

Bring back rad 30’s slang: it’s new, it’s hip, it’s your own version of trendsetting. Possible terms include ‘bean shooter’, ‘blow your wig’, ‘clam-bake’, ‘cinder dick’, and ‘skin tickler’. No one remembers these meanings anymore, so feel free to just make them up.

Good luck, and remember, wear the t-shirt!

I Support The Performing Arts

2010-07-06T22:19:00.000-07:00

Pole dancing is really an underappreciated art form. It's a form of exercise that requires discipline and training, and one in which a lot that can go wrong, as can be seen in videos like this one. At least it looks like no one was seriously hurt in any of the incidents captured in that video, even during the incidents in which people, you know, forgot to attach the poles to the ground. That's incredibly lucky, considering pole-dancing mishaps usually consist of people's faces hitting the ground very very quickly. The dangers of such unchaperoned pole-dancing can be seen in this gruesome yet awfully funny video:

....which shows that the sport is never to be taken lightly. And unlike plain, non-pole assisted strip teases, it should really never be attempted drunk.

There is a new push these days to get pole dancing accepted as an Olympic Sport, after the ‘taking off one’s clothes’ element of it has of course been removed. Apparently the sport has got international competitions and everything, in which the dances are excellent but everyone’s clothes stay on. The outfits worn are no skimpier than gymnastics or figure skating. Which is a plus, considering that in the original Olympics everyone was nude anyway.

But if you’re into the more traditional form of pole dancing, there is still a t-shirt for you:

After all, at least pole dancing is an aesthetically pleasing form of stripping that requires skill and discipline, instead of a woman just bouncing around vaguely looking bored. In a way, you’re contributing to Western civilization and culture, and to the future of the Olympics itself. So be proud.

Rad Racing

2010-06-27T18:47:00.000-07:00

Known variously as ‘the Best BMX Movie Of All Time’ and ‘one of the worst movies to ever become a cult classic’, Rad captured the hearts of many of those who were young and bored during the mid-80’s. Its fame lives on, despite not every appearing on DVD. And why not? Sure, there were literally dozens of films in that time period about young kids using their single skill to achieve greatness – The Last Starfighter (video games), The Karate Kid (karate), etc, but not only did none of them have BMX bikes, none of them even starred that chick from Full House. The movie that comes closest is probably the indescribable BMX Bandits, which is watchable only if you’re really interested in seeing what Nicole Kidman looked like when she was 15 (and if you are, you’ve probably got bigger problems than kid’s bike movies.)

But if you’re a fan of mountain bikes as well as BMX, at least you’ve got Extreme Mormons. Like Rad and BMX Bandits, it’s about using extreme cycling to do good. Only, instead of racing bikes to gain self-esteem or to get away from a bunch of criminals, it’s about using it to get people off drugs and into Joseph Smith.

(trailer appears at the four-minute mark)

Tragically, the full movie of this trailer was never made. So for now you will have to be content with a Rad Racing shirt.

Wear it enough, and maybe someday someone will release the DVD.

Give Empires A Chance

2010-06-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

There’s a reason that Return of the Jedi cut off pretty much the moment after the Empire fell. Because it’s almost certain that after the movie ended, the new Rebel leadership fell apart like a cheap umbrella in a wind tunnel. Ignoring the books that follow the movies (which are arguably just Jedi propaganda) the Star Wars universe presumably entered a galaxy-wide Dark Age that lasted for centuries.

Why? Well, what did the Rebel Alliance have? A rag-tag bunch of misfits led by an incestuous couple and a giant teddy bear. Even Saddam Hussein’s team was more competent than that. Then there’s Han Solo, who with the sole experience of being a criminal smuggler and badass, was made a general. One might assume that even the most corrupt rebel forces would choose a general that has some experience with military strategy, or at least leading a crew of more than one. But no. This really does not portend well.

We’re not saying that the Empire was a good thing. But what followed it would most likely have been far, far worse, as local warlords took advantage of the power vacuum to create even more despotic regimes. Say what you will about the Empire, they at least looked like they could keep the trains running on time. As for the Rebels/New Republic, who are they going to use to fight challengers to their new power? General Han, who’ll probably get sick of the whole stressful leadership thing and run off to a space stripper bar? Bollywood on Twitter

So you see, despite all the planet-exploding and the sinister uniforms, Vader had a point. Express your support by wearing this ‘Give Empires A Chance’ t-shirt.

Me Not Love You Long Time

2010-06-09T13:41:00.000-07:00

True story: I once had to talk a young Japanese exchange student out of buying a fluorescent shirt with the more traditional version of this quotation on it: “ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME”. The poor girl’s English was not fluent, but it was good enough for her to understand the literal meaning on the shirt and consider it both chaste and sweet: surely loving a person for a long time is a good thing, she asked me.

Since I didn’t want to detail the implications of the phrase with an innocent teenager in the middle of a t-shirt store, I merely said I didn’t like it, suggested a better one, and restrained my inappropriate giggling when she went off to buy it. Later I mentioned what had happened to the salesperson, who assured me he also would have stopped a non-native-English speaker from buying it and that he didn’t like the shirts much in the first place, since they only really worked in an ironic ‘bored hipster’ sense.

Now though, we can all have our revenge on those shirts by wearing our own version:

Wear the shirt to make a statement, pre-empt people that think quoting the phrase to strangers is clever, or just to show your general disinterest. Whatever the message, it’s surely far less likely to lead to intercultural confusion and embarrassment than those damn fluorescent hipster shirts.

It's All Good In The Hood

2010-05-29T20:49:00.000-07:00

It’s been clear since the famous flash video was released over five years ago that Mr. Rogers is actually the most hardcore person that ever lived. The fact that he was a Marine sniper/Navy SEAL/trained killer/etc has entered the popular culture, and the fact that the real Mr. Rogers never actually served in the military has had no power to stop it:

"On another note, there was this wimpy little man (who just passed away) on PBS, gentle and quiet. Mr. Rogers is another of those you would least suspect of being anything but what he now portrays to our youth. But Mr. Rogers was a U.S. Navy Seal, combat-proven in Vietnam with over twenty-five confirmed kills to his name. He wore a long-sleeve sweater to cover the many tattoos on his forearm and biceps. A master in small arms and hand-to-hand combat, able to disarm or kill in a heartbeat. He hid that away and won our hearts with his quiet wit and charm."

Why do we want to believe this? Because it’s fucking awesome. We all would sleep better at night if we were more convinced that behind the gentle, calm exterior of this children’s entertainer lies the soul of an effective killer. We can tell ourselves that if the apocalypse ever comes, we can rely not just on ourselves but on the kindly elderly neighbor next door, who presumably has arms full of tattoos and a basement stocked with fully-automatic weapons hidden behind shelves of old preserves.

In reality, the closest thing to a truly hardcore Mr. Rogers is this guy. His name is Peter Rogers, and he gained eternal fame when he got his left hand cut off in a bar fight, and then continued to punch his attacker with the bloody stump. If that’s not true hardcore, I’m not sure what is.

But we can still continue the legend. Celebrate the real or wished-for hardcoreness of Mr. Rogers with this t-shirt.

A bit off topic...

2010-05-23T07:46:00.000-07:00

I know this is a bit OT...but WTF Costco??

Business/Party

2010-05-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

It attracts women. It keeps your neck warm when you are out hunting raccoons for dinner. It shows that although by day, you’re a respectable, hardworking kind of guy, at night you sure know how to party. It’s not a hairstyle, it’s a statement about life.

But still, it's hard to pull off a mullet in day-to-day life. It’s not like your average body piercing or full-back tattoo of a snake goddess riding a motorcycle. You can’t just cover it up with a long-sleeved shirt or even a hat. Even a discreet ponytail is going to be seen eventually when you turn your back on somebody. And indeed, that is part of its magnificence. The mullet represents a 100% commitment to the mullet lifestyle precisely because it must be seen, every day, in all its full glory.

It’s this fact that makes mullet-wearing a real sacrifice in terms of earnings and socioeconomic status. According to a completely made-up study, possession of a mullet will decrease your earnings in the business world by at least 600,000 dollars. So, while it’s not impossible for someone who isn’t happy living in a trailer park for the rest of their life to wear a mullet, it does come at a prohibitive cost.

So, for those who aren’t yet able to go full mullet, this T-shirt is available.

This shirt can be worn while mourning your current inability to wear a mullet, or in the first stages of growing a potential mullet. It can even be worn with a mullet, to prove that you are really, really committed to the cause. It also saves you from explaining the mullet’s main advantage: you can simply point to your shirt, without even having to take a break from swigging your beer.

It's Business Time

2010-05-13T19:27:00.000-07:00

If you are a fan of Flight of the Conchords, you might have often wondered about the anti-Australian sentiments commonly expressed in the show. Imagine America and Canada, if the two countries had totally open borders and no visa restrictions. This means that people from the other country could not only travel over there at will, but also stay and live there long enough to thoroughly annoy the locals with their accents and foreign sports customs. In other words, imagine if 500,000 Canadians suddenly crossed the border, playing their crazy Canadian sports and pronouncing ‘ou’ funny. It would be like that South Park movie all over again.

Australians might feel this bad enough, but in New Zealand the sentiment is even stronger, simply because the majority of people in the world have simply never heard of their country. Wouldn’t you be a bit angry if actors showed up in movies purporting to be from your country, but actually spouting an accent that comes off like they have their mouth full and have suffered a horrendous jaw injury? And if you finally produced some famous people like Russell Crowe and Mel Gibson, only to have Australia steal them from you and claim them as their own?

So Flight of the Conchords, along with the Lord of the Rings movies, isn’t just providing entertainment. It’s providing well-deserved recognition to a tiny nation struggling to not be picked on by Australia. Wear your Flight of the Conchords T-shirt with pride.

Sexy Time! Is good!

2010-04-28T09:43:00.000-07:00

We English speakers love to document the cultural and linguistic mistakes foreigners make when dealing with English and Western countries. From the movie Borat to pictures of signs like this:

…we take comedic delight in the mangling of our language. We rarely give much thought, however, to what our foreign language attempts must sound like to others. Of course, this is mostly because for the most part we never try to speak other languages in the first place. Instead, even when travelling abroad we tend to keep speaking English, demand that others speak, read and write it in return, and then laugh at their attempts on Internet sites.

Still, when English-speakers are forced to learn and speak another language for whatever reasons, these reverse-Engrish mistakes do happen. Like the American guy working in Japan who was woken up repeatedly during the night by his pregnant wife needing help getting to the bathroom. The next day, he mixed up the Japanese verb okosu ‘to wake up’ with the verb okasu, ‘to violate’, and ended up explaining to his Japanese coworkers that he looked so tired and haggard at work that day because ‘Last night my wife raped me.’

We must assume that these mistakes, although probably not as common as Engrish ones, are prevalent enough for there to be places on the Internet where non-English-speakers gather to make fun of Americans who tried to ask for directions in Spanish and instead spouted off a line of racial epithets or asked for sexual favors. And given that we don’t speak any of these other languages, we’ll never find them.

So do your part in the linguistic wars, and proudly wear this Engrish t-shirt:

Because when you go to Kazakhstan, they'll probably be laughing at you, as well.

Che For Capitalism

2010-04-16T22:11:00.000-07:00

Che Guevera t=shirts. Is there anything more confusing? Hipsters using a mass-produced, capitalistic product sold at a profit to announce their love for an icon of communism.

It gets weirder. The reason the famous image of Che became popular in the first place was because the guy that took the photo, Alberto Korda, never copyrighted the image, presumably because of his Marxist beliefs. He gave a few copies to an Italian publisher, who then used it to sell two million posters and became insanely wealthy. In time, other bootleggers caught on to the act, and used it to make their own money. These guys took the image they'd got for free, put it on merchandise, and sold it to poor students. In time, it spread not only to t-shirts, but also to bizarre items like bobble-head dolls and wall clocks. As the years went by, this cynical mass-commercialization spread an ironic gospel of capitalism throughout the globe.

So, are the Che-t-shirt-wearing hipsters who handed over cash for their shirts being cleverly ironic? Or do they care far more about just having a trendy t-shirt? Perhaps we will never know. What we do know, however, is that now you can make a statement about the truly bizarre nature of Che Guevera t-shirts:

Show your devotion to Che t-shirts by wearing one of our Che t-shirt t-shirts, and out-trendy a hipster today.

Coulrophobia: Not Just For Kids

2010-04-08T18:52:00.000-07:00

A true story: a friend of mine was hospitalized for an unrelated complaint. Unable to sleep in the noisy, unfamiliar hospital environment, she started talking to a nurse who, while very sweet, did not have English as a first language. When the nurse asked if she couldn’t sleep, she replied “Yeah, the clowns will eat me.”

The conversation was forgotten until the next day, when a very serious doctor came to sit down beside her bed with pen and clipboard ready. “So,” the doctor said. “Tell me about the clowns.”

Doctors everywhere seem to be oblivious to ubiquitous clown phobia, as this study in Scientific American has shown. Based on questioning in hospital wards, it revealed that kids, everywhere, are terrified of clowns. Which isn’t surprising, because let’s face it, most adults are terrified of clowns. Even if you weren’t personally menaced by one as a kid at a birthday party, chances are that at one point you were traumatized by one of the many clown-themed horror movies (which, by this point, surely outnumber non-horror clown-themed movies).

So where on Earth did Western society get the idea that kids might think clowns are awesome, and not recognize them as the terrifying harbingers of death that they really are? We have no idea, but it has to stop.

Wearing this T-shirt will help spread the knowledge that clowns are, in fact, fucking terrifying. Do your part to stop the needless traumatizing of our sick children, and put on this Simpsons-themed anti-clown t-shirt:

Keep It Real

2010-03-30T18:25:00.000-07:00

So what’s so good about Atari, you say? Well, one of their fine products gave us Beast Busters, for one.

This zombie-shooting rail game is a vision into another world, a trip through the double vortex of the late eighties and Japan. There’s nothing in today’s video games quite like it. What game can you play today that features owls carrying undead football players, naked Smurf zombies, and cars made of human flesh that come to life and fight you? Where in popular culture today do you find bosses that transform into zombie werewolves halfway through a battle, and heroes known as ‘Johnny Justice’?

The answer is: none. It’s clear that Atari’s slow demise accompanied a decline in human creativity. The better graphics and improved gameplay just don’t make up for the fact that very few modern video games feature blue-skinned naked zombie bikers, Japlish, and the sense that sanity is slowly being stripped from your brain like flesh from a zombie’s head.

Somewhere along the line, humanity lost the simple joys of shooting up towns inhabited by about 500,000 identical gun-wielding undead, or of bouncing a ball from one side of the screen to another.

This t-shirt celebrates those old days of simplicity and baffling, baffling zombies. Wear this Atari t-shirt, and celebrate Atari and old-school video games in all their glory. For all their flaws and incoherence, they had heart.

Wax On, Wax Off

2010-03-18T08:10:00.000-07:00

This article claims that the Karate Kid movie led to the downfall of Western civilization, by teaching its viewers that goals can be achieved with ridiculous ease and a few training montages. He may have something of a point. To this day, we still have movies about people learning a new skill in a matter of months and using it to defeat those who have been training in the same technique their whole lives. The message is that if you’re strong-willed enough, persistent enough and American enough, you can succeed at most anything far quicker than those suckers who’ve been practicing their whole lives.

But on the other hand, movies like Karate Kid show us a dream. A dream that learning karate isn’t thousands of hours of repetition after school, every day, for years and years, turning down social activities and other hobbies. Instead it’s a way to beat bullies, win the girl and establish a lasting surrogate-father relationship, all with a mere couple of months of chores.

And isn’t that what movies are for? Not to show us life exactly as it is, but to give us all inspiration for when times are tough? To give us hope that one day, we too can find a kindly Japanese man that will teach us awesome martial arts and life skills, all in a mere two months?

Wear this t-shirt, and carry on the brave hope.

Don't Get Pinched

2010-03-08T12:02:00.000-08:00

St Patrick’s Day: not only the only ethnic celebration to be observed on a wide scale internationally, it’s the only celebration to be centered almost entirely around drinking. We suspect that one of these things might be related to the other. The honor given to St Patrick is partially based on the legend that in the fifth century he drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Presumably, he then pulled out a keg of Guiness to those around him and said “Okay, let’s do this.”

And why not celebrate? If you have any Irish blood in you, be thankful, because it’s one of the few ethnic backgrounds that is fashionable these days. Think about it: do people go around celebrating being English? Do English people get cool movies made about them being divine assassins and fighting Daniel Day-Lewis? No; they just get to be the bad guys in sci-fi movies.

If you don’t have Irish blood in you, now is the chance to get some. And by ‘blood’ we mean ‘beer’. And by ‘beer’ we mean ‘a lot of it’.

And you can do it while wearing one of these T-shirts:

Or if that doesn’t suit, one of our other fine St Patrick’s Day T-shirts, like this one. Keep in mind that unlike Fosters beer and Australia, people in the country that Guinness is associated with actually do drink it, so don’t worry at all about being inauthentic.

We have a large enough selection of St Patrick's day t-shirts to cover all of your drinking needs. Enjoy!

VICTORY!!!

2010-03-06T13:40:00.000-08:00

Viking Quest might be a fictional show, but if it weren’t, we would definitely watch it. Why? Because it’s about Vikings, greatly underappreciated in this ‘all ninjas and pirates, all the time’ culture of ours. Where are the epic movies about lone Vikings rebelling against the masters that raised them and setting out on their own quests? Or sailing the oceans, going on magical quests and fighting Kraken? Nowhere, that’s where. This is despite the fact that Vikings could easily do these things as well as ninjas and pirates, if not better. Do ninjas drink funeral ale and cremate themselves in goddam burning boats? Did pirates have their own afterlife featuring buxom women and beer? No, they did not.

These days, the closest we have to Viking-centered entertainment is this Viking vs Samurai fight.

Many things could be behind this dearth of real TV shows and movies about Vikings. Maybe all the rape and plunder of other sovereign nations is a sensitive issue in today’s PC-sensitive world. Maybe everyone is caught up over the fact that Vikings didn’t really wear those helmets with the horns stuck to them, and the technical quibbles are holding up production. Maybe they are holding out until the pirate craze finally dies down, and Vikings are destined to be the next Big Thing. Or maybe it’s a sensitivity related to football teams. But let’s face it: the most likely explanation is that the movie and television industries are run by a secret cabal of samurai, reacting against their natural enemy.

In the meantime, encourage Viking pride by celebrating Entourage’s portrayal of Vikings with this fine T-shirt. Free iPhone Wallpapers

Support The Beard

2010-02-23T11:22:00.000-08:00

So Chuck Norris jokes might be getting a bit old, you think. Also, the guy shaved his beard. You ever want an experience with soul-crushing terror that rips apart everything you thought was safe and familiar in the world, have a look at Chuck Norris without a beard.

But hey, beards grow back. And in the meantime you can take comfort in this poster:

Yes, Chuck Norris had the balls to make a movie co-starring a dog. Also, look at that photo of the guy. Not only is he not practicing gun safety, he is actually apparently trying to fire the gun with his second knuckle. Now given that he’s a cop and has presumably has at least some pistol training, one must conclude that he has deliberately chosen his idiosyncratic gun habits because he’s just that good. After all, he doesn’t really have to rely on guns when he has a) world-class martial arts skills and b) a dog partner.

All else aside, how could there be anything wrong with admiring a dude who is that sure about himself? It leads one to believe that maybe he shaved off his beard for a good reason, one that is simply beyond the comprehension of us normal people.

Which is why it’s still okay to wear this t-shirt. In fact, it’s a must.

Support the beard.

Uzi Does It

2010-02-12T14:34:00.000-08:00

It is good to see that these days the Jews are finally getting back their old reputation for being hardcore. It started with films like the Hebrew Hammer, and slogans like this one based on the work of this guy. Now, with a rash of movies such as Defiance, Munich and Inglorious Basterds, it is truly reaching a peak. Who cares if not all of these movies embrace historical accuracy? If Jewish hardcore-ness has been overlooked for that long, you might need to exaggerate a bit sometimes to make up for this awful loss.

So you don’t remember too much of an old reputation for being hardcore, you say. Well, here is a great story about Moses, from an online collection of badass bible stories:

An Egyptian soldier is wailing on a hapless Hebrew when Moses, clothed in head-to- toe black, drops down from the ceiling. Moving with cat-like grace, he sneaks up behind the soldier and, taking his head in his hands, snaps the man's neck with one savage twist. As the lifeless body slumps to the ground, Moses lights up a cigar. "Well," he quips, "looks like someone bit off more than he could Jew."

Now that a Jewish holiday is coming up, it’s time to spread the pride in this long history of badassery. If you are not feeling quite that hardcore, you can always fall back on your sense of humor and/or fine sense of t-shirt-wearing.

Jew or Gentile, celebrate the approach of Purim by wearing this Challah Back T-shirt.

Luck Dragon

2010-02-04T11:39:00.000-08:00

Who hasn’t had that dream of chasing down their enemies while riding on a Luck Dragon? That’s one fantasy that is truly timeless. However, the famous Luck Dragon in the Neverending Story isn’t the only entity who has ever carried this name. It was also the name of an old Japanese fishing boat. When the Americans blew the crap out of an island in the Pacific 1954, the Daigo Fukuryuu Maru or 'Luck Dragon 5’ was fishing for tuna in the area, presumably because there weren’t any whales around. The crew was exposed to the radiation and the captain died. America then attempted to cover up the incident.

That isn’t lucky, you say. Well, in the long term, the understandable paranoia felt by the Japanese over nuclear weapons and contaminated fish led to the eventual creation of the genre of Japanese gaiju or radiation-monster films, such as Godzilla, Mothra and Gamera. Without wanting to sounding flippant, if all it takes for films of such greatness to be made is for thousands of miles of ocean wildlife to be contaminated with radiation and for an innocent man to die a slow painful death, maybe it isn’t all bad. I’m sure many of us would volunteer for a similar death if we knew that eventually, such utter greatness would come of it.

So luck dragons might not have been that lucky for the Japanese in 1954, but it all turned out okay in the end. Maybe they can be lucky for you too when you wear this Luck Dragon t-shirt.

Hopefully, that luck won’t involve any form of radiation.

Let's Say You've Gone Back In Time

2010-01-28T08:41:00.000-08:00

Shotguns and the evil undead have enjoyed a long-standing love affair. Many types of weapons have been popular for taking down such creatures: swords, axes, cricket bats, crossbows, the ever-popular chainsaw. But there is nothing like the power of a shotgun to unleash the destruction required to bring down an ultimate creature of evil. In fact, the two are so entwined that today things like this are not at all uncommon. But what if you find yourself back in time, before the age of modern technology? Well for one, there is this:

This will teach you all you need to know on the non-supernatural realm, as well as guaranteeing you a spot as the greatest person in history. (That is, if you are prepared for the soul-crushing horror when you return to your own time and realize that you have changed history, and that everything and everyone that you knew is no more. But on the bright side, you’ll be really famous.) But if you are being attacked by Lovecraftian horrors from beyond time and space, then what you really need is this t-shirt for inspiration and a gun to back you up.

This shirt, along with a limitless supply of ammo, will probably do you fine. Note: do not try the same trick if you have not travelled back in time and are just lost in a foreign nation and you think it looks kind of backwards. They probably have AK-47s, and they will kill you.

Pachinko!

2010-01-20T15:20:00.000-08:00

Let’s face it, making fun of Japanese advertisements is like shooting fish in a really small barrel. If you’re in Japan, you can basically pick an ad off the TV at random, put it up on Youtube, and get 10,000 comments, 2,000 of which will be mildly racist. But it’s still acceptable, because they do the same thing to us as well. For example, take a look at this commercial, featuring Nicolas “Not the Bees” Cage:

Seeing this ad, Americans can now experience what it feels like to be on the receiving end of crass ethnic stereotypes. First, check out Nick Cage’s accent. Do you think he really talks like that? No, but that’s how the Japanese ad industry thinks Americans talk. Second, he is driving down a deserted highway in a pickup truck wearing a cowboy hat. When he meets the aliens, he invites them to do a hoedown. This is clearly the Japanese equivalent of how us Westerners imagine the Japanese; constantly eating sushi in an ancient Shinto temple decorated with samurai swords, wearing a kimono and watching tentacle porn. And possibly also being a ninja.

So don’t feel so bad about watching ads like this famous one and making a little bit of fun at the Japanese. Or wearing a shirt commemorating the fake-yet-accurate Mr Sparkle ads.

Never be ashamed of laughing at Japanese TV. Remember, they are laughing at us too.

Zombie Marathon

2010-01-12T19:42:00.000-08:00

This fine shirt demonstrates a true preference in the fast vs slow zombies dichotomy, which has played out in film and real life for decades. Slow zombies are the shuffling, rambling sort epitomized in such movies as Night of the Living Dead, Shaun of the Dead, and various zombie marches throughout the years. The slightly less common but still popular fast zombies are found in such classics as Return of the Living Dead, 28 Days Later, Zombieland, and countless video games whose makers figured out that players found it a bit dull to have a corpse shuffling towards them for ten full minutes.

Now, some have argued that the more traditional ‘slow zombies’ are the only real kind, more genuine and true to the zombie spirit. They point out that the original horror evoked by zombies was one of slow attrition: the shambling corpse can be easily outrun by the faster living, but the living are gradually worn down by fatigue or sheer numbers, driven insane by the relentless pursuit of the slow, steady undead.

These people may be right, but let’s face it, fast zombies that can catch up with your lively, non-undead terrified sprinting are really much more likely to kill you. And being eaten alive by zombies is a lot more frightening than the existential angst caused by a corpse’s relentless slow march.

Whatever your reasons, you can celebrate your love of fast zombies – or just zombies in general – by wearing this shirt.

Awesome Cult Movie Artwork

2010-01-10T17:33:00.001-08:00

If you love cult classic movies as much as we do, you'll definitely want to check out this site: http://1988crazy4cult3.blogspot.com/

The artistic interpretations of cult icons are amazing! Of course, if you'd like to wear it across your chest on a t-shirt, rather than display it on your wall visit Clutch Tees.

Be Excellent To Each Other

2010-01-05T14:55:00.000-08:00

Not only were Bill S. Preston, Esquire and “Ted” Theodore Logan an essential part in the cultural development for anyone over 25 (and many people younger than that, if they were fortunate), their religious teachings clearly represented an apex in the history of human ethics. That’s why Bill and Ted, even close to twenty years later, were included in this recent inspirational speech.

Unfortunately, lately there is talk of a remake in the air. The idea of which is ridiculous, because both Bill and Ted movies were a product of their time, and not just in terms of clothes and language. Wanting to be in a hard-rock garage band in this day and age? Who are they supposedly emulating, Coldplay? And although Doctor Who can get away with it because he’s a Time Lord as well as an anachronistic English dude, it’s actually really hard to find a time-travelling phone booth these days.

But still, there is a remote possibility that this new film will be a success. That is why you should be sure to start wearing this shirt now. Then you can carry the receipt and use it as proof that you liked the original before it was cool:

The “Be Excellent to Each Other” shirt allows you to express your love for this unique and endangered piece of classical culture, while also conveying Bill and Ted’s wise elucidation of ethical thought.

All Great Men Have Mustaches

2009-12-29T15:11:00.000-08:00

The American Mustache Institute has recently compiled a list of mustache styles so you can choose your own, or classify the one that you are lucky enough to already have.

Why grow a mustache? Because as the shirt says, all great men – whether fictional or historical – have had mustaches.

For example:

Jesus
Satan
That dude on Mythbusters
Inigo Montoya
Conan the Barbarian
That guy in Tombstone. No, the other one. Wait, they all had mustaches. Which proves the point really.
Winston Churchill (Note: His mustache was bigger than Hitler’s, which is why the Nazis lost the war)

And if the rules of logic have taught us nothing else, and they haven’t, it’s that any man can obtain similar greatness simply by also having a mustache. Think about it: can you think of a single great man who didn’t have a mustache? I didn’t think so.

Unfortunately mustaches are neither as common nor as appreciated as they once were. Maybe it’s the meaningless whims of fashion, too much estrogen in the water supply. Whatever it is, these days it takes an especially bold man (or woman, with the right attitude, and maybe some hormone injections) to throw off the bonds of non-mustache mediocrity and embrace the ‘stache.

Now there is a t-shirt to further display your point of view to the world.

It can also be worn by those who due to their genetic fate, or simply because they are otherwise constantly mistaken for pedophiles, cannot grow a mustache of their own. With this shirt you can support the cause even while keeping your upper lip smooth and relatively hairless.

One of the good things about being a nerd...

2009-12-22T07:17:00.000-08:00

... is that at times when you need cheering up, like when you lose at scrabble, or you can’t find anyone to play the new Arkham horror extension with you, you can cheer yourself up by making nerd jokes. Nerd jokes are superior to regular jokes because while regular jokes are funny, nerd jokes provide the teller and listener the extra advantage of also identifying a fellow nerd. They can even serve to be the basis of a future nerd friendship.

This, of course, is a perennial favorite:

Although there are many others that will also do the job. For example, this one:

Renee Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he wants a drink. “I think not!” he says, and disappears.

Or another classic:

Heisenberg is driving along the highway, when he sees a cop car behind him. He pulls over, and the policeman gets out and comes over to the car. “Do you know how fast you were going, sir?” he asks.

“No,” says Heisenberg. “But I know exactly where I am!”

If the person you are talking to laughs at any of these jokes in a non-just-being-polite manner, you know you have a fellow nerd and new friend. So begins a lifetime (or half an hour, depending on whether or not you like them) discussing the new 70-minute Phantom Menace review and building model starships together.

Of course, with this t-shirt you don’t have to even speak out loud to draw fellow nerds to yourself. Wear the shirt, and express your nerdy humor without even opening your mouth!

Jugement Day

2009-12-14T12:12:00.001-08:00

Maybe you are like some of us and used to be a champion speller all through elementary school and well into high school, until MS Word came along and you started using their spell checker. Then your brain gradually atrophied until you went from only using it for difficult words like ‘cemetery’ to simply mashing your fingers on the keys for every word over five letters long and hoping that the correct spelling eventually came up in the suggested words list. Much like the way your calculator dependence has meant that you have to whip out the calculator on your cell phone to figure out how many tires you’ve got left after one has blown.

There are the younger folk who have been presumably using spellcheckers since birth, and never got the solid foundation before the era of word processors. This leads them to doing stuff like this:

There are many other similarly tragic examples to be found all over the internet.

Or maybe you are one of those people who was just never really good at spelling, whether you had access to a spellcheck or not. You have to deal every day with those pedantic types who go into a rage whenever someone spells ‘definitely’ with an ‘a’ Then you want to tell them that the English spelling system is pretty arbitrary and that you are just rebelling against the arbitrary authority of the dictionaries and contributing to the evolution of the language.

Anyway, no matter which one you are, you now have a t-shirt to express yourself with:

Wear this shirt and be proud of all of your tattoos. Don’t let them juge you.

They Will Be Back

2009-12-07T13:01:00.000-08:00

There has been a real shortage of killer robots in popular culture recently. Since the sixties, when Harlan Ellison started the whole ‘evil computer takes over the world and goes on a rampage against humanity’ thing with his really fucking creepy short story, robot apocalypse stories have been rampant. There were movies galore, like Terminator, and that one where Matthew Broderick almost destroys the world. Even ten years ago, we had the Matrix. Robots were constantly on the verge of overthrowing their human masters and crushing us in their metal claws. We all knew that it would happen one day, probably in a way that allowed them to run over human skulls in some way or another.

Now, though, the trend seems to have died out. Even Terminator Salvation was more about Christian Bale and Sam Worthington working out their emotional issues than it was about fighting the machines. No one seems to be into killer robots anymore.

Is this all the fault of the Roomba? Because robots these days are all pet dogs and creepy talking toys, and not skeletal forms with glowing red eyes? Maybe it’s made us realize that it’s pretty illogical to expect a robot to have a killer instinct without said instinct being programmed into it, and that it’s illogical anthropomorphism for us to give robots human emotions and drives. Maybe reality has ruined it all for us.

Maybe. Or maybe we’re just not trying anymore. Humanity has gone soft, and is no longer interested in bringing about the robot apocalypse.

But the good news is, you can still change this. Buck the trend. Show your pride.

This Cyberdyne t-shirt will show everyone that you're on the right side of the battle. Because if one thing is going to destroy humanity, it should be something cool like robots. Wear the shirt, get yourself a secret underground lab, and start working on those red-eyed machine skeletons today!

Flip out and kill people

2009-11-30T19:37:00.000-08:00

Ninjas. Created in the fourteenth century, these working-class samurai have fascinated mankind since it became socially acceptable to like Japan again earlier in the century.

Recently you have probably seen ads for that movie Ninja Assassin, about an assassin who is also a ninja. Although it's not clear why the assassin part has to be specified, since what do ninjas do besides assassinate people? What else were they actually good for? They spent their whole life going around being stealthy and killing people. Sometimes with reason, sometimes without it. They're ninjas, they make their own rules.

Apparently the plot of Ninja Assassin consists of a modern day ninja taking down a worldwide cabal of other ninjas as revenge for them training him. As a ninja. Which is a bit of a whiny move, really. You think he’d be grateful for these guys taking him and basically making him Batman. A better choice of plot would be if it was about a time-travelling ninja who wanted revenge on the present world for taking the name of his ancient art form and giving it to a cocktail mixer.

But have no fear. You can still celebrate the real way of the ninja with this shirt:

Whenever life throws a tough situation your way, you can turn to this shirt's simple slogan. The answer will come to you right away: “Sneak up behind a dude, and kill him using only your elbow.” Traffic incident? Uncomfortable family gathering? Lost in the backwoods of Japan? You would be surprised how many sticky situations this slogan will get you out of.

Use this “What Would A Ninja Do” shirt as a constant reminder of your chosen path through life.

We Like Sports!

2009-11-23T14:58:00.000-08:00

You may be socially awkward, unattractive, or have obscure interests, like composing insulting acrostics to insert into serious legal documents. But if you like sports, you can still be a genius at making friends.

It doesn’t even matter what the social context is. For example, in a bar, you can sit down next to someone and say:

“I see that you are watching sports. I too enjoy sports. My favorite part is when a player on my team does something that gives the team an advantage over the other one.”

Immediately, you will have made a new friend.

Even in other contexts, like at a funeral, or inside a burning building, or at a funeral inside a burning building, you can still use sports as a conversational talisman by simply saying to the person next to you:

“How about that local sports team? They sure play better than that rival team from the state or district that is next to ours.”

Or:

“Can you believe that sports player that has been featured on several of the news channels lately? I sure do have some opinions on all of the interesting things that people are saying about him on that show about sports.”

Conversation started! There are literally thousands of ways liking that sports can be your entry into social mastery.

But why put yourself to the trouble when you can simply wear a shirt like this?

This ‘I Like Sports’ t-shirt will demonstrate to everyone around you that you too are a cool, sports-loving person that they can start one of the above conversations with. Then you can just sit back, relax, and let the popularity pour in.

The Demon Who Makes Trophies of Men

2009-11-13T15:43:00.000-08:00

Predator. Could Rambo kill a hunter from another planet? Could even Batman have got out of this one? Well, the inexplicably German-accented main character in Predator could. Everything about this movie is the essence of hardcore, from the probably-not-something-you-should-try-at-home use of a minigun to that dude that says “I ain’t got time to bleed.”

Also, it features a scene where Arnie stabs a guy all the way through, pinning him to the wall behind him, and tells him “Stick around.” This sequence should be mandatory in all movies, including children’s animation and romantic comedies.

This movie was made back in the day, when men were men and monsters were tall guys in suits, rather than those lame CG creatures which always look too shiny and which none of the characters ever seem to be looking at directly. Before directors started featuring modern-day Predators having weird onscreen quasi-romances with heroines. Before director John McTiernan started making films like Rollerball. Before Arnie starred in the two most recent Terminator movies. It was 1987, and those were the days.

But one thing that wasn’t so good about 1987 was that you couldn’t get this shirt:

This t-shirt's slogan reminds us all of the glorious moment when we all learned that we could outrun a large nuclear explosion just by riding away in a helicopter. This easily beat the previous action movie method of simply diving away from large explosions in ultra slow motion. And as a bonus, when this situation inevitably arises in real life, your Get To Da Choppa shirt will let everyone around you know exactly what to do.

Chicks Dig the Uniform

2009-11-07T11:29:00.000-08:00

Star trek has got a bad rap these days. Some people might think there’s nothing less conductive to relations with the opposite sex than declaring yourself a Star Trek fan.

But they’re wrong. For a start, nothing is sexy like a man in uniform. Put William Shatner in a uniform and what does he look like? A chick magnet. And McCoy and Spock were pretty successful with the ladies, too.

Also, the vintage Star Trek uniforms were great. Nothing says ‘Captain of a goddamn starship’ like bright yellow shirts, sparkly badges and knee-high boots. Sure, a lot of Star Trek fans go for Next Generation, but they too are wrong. Captain Picard? Clearly no Kirk. Come on, the guy had a counselor on the deck so that the aliens attacking them could discuss their feelings with each other. For some reason that military strategy hasn't really caught on in the present day.

Could Picard do this? I don’t think so.

Not to mention those lame dull-colored uniforms everyone was wearing. Everyone knows that if you’re in the blackness of space, you need to liven things up with bright-colored uniforms, multicolored sparkly control panel buttons, and that little screen at Spock’s station with the black and white spiral on it. What did that screen do? It looked fucking cool, that’s what. On the other hand, suicide rates must have been incredibly high on the new Enterprise with only that muted gray and purple eighties décor to drown out the space boredom and soul-crushing blackness around you.

Celebrate real vintage Star Trek uniforms and the women they attracted with this Chicks Dig the Uniform Star Trek t-shirt.

Wear the t-shirt, show your pride. It’s second in sexiness only to dressing up like Kirk himself.

Richard Scarry Apple Car!

2009-11-02T14:15:00.000-08:00

This Richard Scarry Apple Car Shirt should bring back some memories of the early 90's popular cartoon "The Busy World of Richard Scarry." Each episode opened with the iconic Mr. Lowly Worm driving around the Paramount Studio emblem in his flying apple car. Relive the memories and grab your tee today from Clutch Tees!

Leftie Pride

2009-10-29T11:36:00.000-07:00

Are you left handed? Tired of struggling with those god-damn can openers? Tired of all the other members of the water polo club laughing at you as you awkwardly wield the mallet? Find yourself constantly smearing blood all over the page when trying to write threatening notes to your enemies? Well, worry no longer.

Left-handers have got a raw deal for a while now, what with left-handedness historically being considered evil and a sigh of witchcraft in many cultures and all. Hell, in some countries they forbade it altogether But now, scientists think that left-handedness might be cause by a surge of testosterone at birth. That’s right, being left-handed might just be caused by being too damn manly.

It's not surprising when you look at all these famous left-handed people in history. Probably the surge of testosterone was given to a special few to give them an evolutionary advantage while fighting multiple bears. Or maybe it’s just a gift from God for being super awesome.

So it turns out that all those people trying to crush your left-handedness or accusing you of being the son of the devil were just jealous. After all, since a surge of testosterone can be caused by stress, it probably meant that your mom fought off a tiger while in labor or something. How many people can say that?

You can show your rebellious left-handed pride by wearing this Trust Me I’m Left Handed T-shirt.

It’s also available in women’s sizes, because high testosterone in the female brain is nothing to be ashamed of. Female southpaws, you too can take pride in fight wild animals while wearing this shirt. And possibly zombies.

This Is My Halloween Costume

2009-10-27T11:10:00.000-07:00

There's a good chance with everything that's been going on this fall, you haven't had the time to go out and buy a Halloween costume. You were going to, but then America bombed the moon, a kid got stuck in a hot air balloon, Brett Favre started playing football (again), and the H1N1 Flu shut down practically every school in the country. In all the fuss, it's easy to see why you didn't have time to sit down and think about what costume you were going to wear for the ghoulish festivities of Halloween. Clutch Tees makes it easy for you by offering this "Halloween Costume" shirt. Check it out here as well as a few other Halloween shirt ideas!

Another Cold Glass of Turnip Juice

2009-10-22T18:17:00.000-07:00

Jack-o-lanterns are a Halloween tradition that date back many hundreds of years to ancient Ireland, where they are linked to several local folk tales. However, since pumpkins are a New World discovery that didn’t exist back then in the British Isles, the Irish would instead carve jack-o-lanterns into turnips.

Can you imagine the horror of carving a face into those tiny wretched things, especially while drinking (which being Irish, they probably were)? It is a little known fact that the holiday of Halloween became associated with death, mayhem and horror because people used to cut themselves trying to carve scary faces into turnips. They would then gush blood everywhere over their terrified, screaming family members. Since medical care as we know it didn’t exist back then, families would have to call in the local witch to put a spell on the turnip wound. This is how witches became associated with the holiday.

Eventually, the Pilgrims became sick of all of this, and emigrated to the New World. Another little known fact is that it wasn’t so much religious persecution as that they were sick of all the goddamn turnips.

But all that has changed now, and today Halloween is a joyful holiday for children and adults alike. Although of course now pumpkins have to put up with this.

It is imperative that you pass on this important and completely factual historical knowledge to all your friends at this year’s Halloween party. You can find an excuse to raise the subject by wearing this awesome pumpkin-themed jack-o-lantern t-shirt.

Express your patriotic pride this Halloween; wear a pumpkin t-shirt. Because seriously, fuck turnips.

New Jersey Nyets T-Shirt

2009-10-10T08:18:00.000-07:00

In response to Bill Simmons mail bag blog entry:

An inordinate amount of readers mailed me some variation of the "New Jersey Nyets" joke, and it made me laugh every time. When is the New Jersey Nyets T-shirt and logo going online? How much longer do we have to wait?

Wait no longer! The parody New Jersey Nyets t-shirt is here!

Halloween Defined

2009-10-07T13:50:00.000-07:00

Here's a great alternative to spending Halloween stuck in an airtight full coverage chicken costume, or in the business end of a two person donkey costume. It reads "Halloween: An excuse for girls to dress like sluts." Short, quick, and to the point. Find this Halloween Defined shirt at Clutch Tees along with some other Halloween themed tees!

Pistol In Your Pants!

2009-10-05T13:55:00.000-07:00

So many ways/reasons to wear this shirt it's hard to know where to begin! Use it as part of a cowboy costume for Halloween. Wear it to a bar to look like a bad ass. It's probably not best to wear it to the bank...or work...you get the idea! You can find this "pistol in your pants" tee at clutchtees.com!

Funny Halloween T-Shirts

2009-09-29T11:46:00.000-07:00

A few words on Halloween costume options. We could go the way of the overachiever: make-up, wigs, homemade costumes lovingly crafted in the weekends leading up to the 31st. We applaud this person, we celebrate this person, but we are not this person. Instead, we go the other way. We embrace our tuxedo t-shirt. We avoid the mess of an actual jack-o-lantern. We outflank the question "What is your Halloween costume?" We let our persona be our costume. We scare people in or own way, while letting them compose their own binary solo. We make our desires known, all the while celebrating Halloween's existence. Halloween, we welcome your reappearance on our calendar, but don't judge us for celebrating you in our own way.

New funny Halloween shirts are now in stock. Check back soon! More are on the way.

Viking Quest

2009-08-09T18:47:00.000-07:00

Grab this "Viking Quest" t-shirt to show just how serious a fan you are of Johnny Chase. Sure...he's not as well known as his brother Vincent, but because of his hit show Viking Quest, he certainly has a cult fan following all his own! Grab this and other television or movie quote shirts at Clutch Tees.

Here's a look at Johnny's catch phrase: VICTORY!

Knight Rider

2009-08-05T12:20:00.000-07:00

Why? What did you think we were referring to?

Grab this great interpretive Knight Rider t-shirt from Clutch Tees and have your friends thinking you're way cooler than if you had the actual Knight Rider on your shirt!

I Hope You Brought Some Bandages Because I Am Cut

2009-07-29T10:47:00.000-07:00

Here's a great shirt from Clutch Tees to show both your funny side, and your rippling man-strength side! Grab this "I Am Cut" t-shirt today to remind everybody how amazing you are. (You could even order it a size too small so those biceps really pop!)

Bring Out The Gimp

2009-07-28T13:16:00.000-07:00

Clutch Tees brings you this great homage to Pulp Fiction. Get your "Bring Out The Gimp" t-shirt today, and find other great movie quote shirts as well!

Take A Stand

2009-07-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

Finally, a movement you can believe in! Grab this "Take A Stand" t-shirt from Clutch Tees to support the keg stand movement. Or grab one if you like metaphors...it works on that level too!

Nerds Of America Society

2009-07-23T08:46:00.000-07:00

This new Nerds Society Of America T-Shirt (or NAS for those in-the-know) is now available on Clutch Tees. This t-shirt, or rather one like it, was gifted to Jon Stewart on Tuesday's Daily Show. US Secretary Of Energy Steven Chu gave Jon Stewart this tee:

Daily Show
Full Episodes Political Humor Joke of the Day

No Air Banding

2009-07-15T07:33:00.001-07:00

If you're a Scrubs fan, you'll love this "No Air Banding" t-shirt from Clutch Tees!

Catch the Scrubs Airband rocking out below:

P.S. This shirt also rocks for people who totally think Airbanding should be banned.

Beat It Shirt: The Shirt From The Beat It Video Is Back

2009-07-04T04:28:00.000-07:00

A recreation of the t-shirt worn by Micheal Jackson in the first few minutes of the Beat It video (check it out here on YouTube) is now available! Peeps have been selling this rare remake from the 80s on eBay for top dollar! You can now buy the Piano Key Beat It Shirt at Clutch Tees and it looks awesome. RIP King of Pop

Define "Girlfriend"

2009-06-23T12:31:00.000-07:00

Clutch Tees delivers a shirt that is sure to get laughs from all your friends (probably not your girlfriend though...).

Get your "Define Girlfriend" shirt for your nights out on the town, and you'll have a sure fire conversation starter!

Trust Me, I'm A Former Pretend Doctor

2009-06-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

Whether we watched the episodes when they originally aired, or caught the reruns growing up, we all remember Doogie Howser as the sweet baby-faced young kid who struggled between being a good doctor and enjoying his teen years to their fullest. Not surprisingly, it wasn't always easy. Still, we loved him and trusted his judgment, so Clutch Tees is giving you a chance to harness Doogie's energy with this "Trust Me, I'm A Pretend Doctor" t-shirt.

Ask Me About My Stimulus Package

2009-06-09T20:51:00.000-07:00

It's topical. It's also kind of an insinuation of sorts... Get yourself one of Clutch Tees' "Ask Me About My Stimulus Package" shirts and see which of your friends get the joke, and which of your friends come looking for a bailout.

You can also check out other funny t-shirts here!

Chicks Dig the Uniform

2009-06-08T18:31:00.000-07:00

Big fan of Star Trek? Need all the single ladies to know it? Grab this funny vintage "Chicks Dig the Uniform" shirt from Clutch Tees to advertise exactly how cool you are!

Ridonkulous

2009-06-05T13:20:00.000-07:00

When there are no words for how redic a situation can get...make one up. Clutch Tees dropped this Ridonkulous t-shirt on our site just for this purpose! Snatch one up along with other funny tees available right now!

Scooter Sasha

2009-05-28T20:31:00.000-07:00

Scrubs fan? Scooter fan? Scrubs and scooter fan? Clutch Tees has the perfect shirt for you! Find this Scooter Sasha t-shirt here as well as other great movie and television quotes related shirts!

For the heartwarming tale of how JD and Sasha first met, see below!

It would be my honor, to be your new stepfather

2009-05-27T10:34:00.000-07:00

This shirt is pretty self-explanatory....for a mother lover! Check out Clutch Tees newest addition, the "It would be my honor to be your new stepfather" shirt!

Check out the SNL digital short here...

Beethoven's 2nd Movement

2009-05-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

Some people appreciate fine art and classical music. Others prefer to openly mock those people. What better way to do so than by sporting this vintage "Beethoven's 2nd Movement" t-shirt? Clutch Tees made have taken the title a little too literally, but it certainly makes for an interesting interpretation!

Find other classic or older prints in Clutch Tees vintage collection.

It's All Good In The Hood

2009-05-14T13:10:00.000-07:00

Everyone who grew up in watching Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood on television will appreciate this great throw back to the good ole days! Grab an "It's all Good, In the Hood" t-shirt from Clutch Tees!

Need a reminder of the old skool rhymes Mr. Rogers dropped on us at the beginning of each show? Check out the intro below!

Sweep The Leg - Karate Kid

2009-05-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

This soft Karate Kid shirt has a great worn look. What, are you going to use the Crane? Kata? Kata's good for building up a sweat, but let's be real here. You want to get your opponent on the ground, you Sweep the Leg. John Creese knew that; looking back, John Creese knew a lot of things.

Hit up Clutch Tees to get yours...along with other great movie quote shirts!

Shut Up, You're Not My Real Dad

2009-05-12T19:59:00.000-07:00

Father's Day will soon be upon us! (June 21st, 2009) What better way to thank your old man for all the great memories of your childhood than by calling into question his very role in your creation? Clutch Tees offers you the chance to put it all out there with this great t-shirt!

And if you have a slightly healthier relationship with Pop...this shirt will still bring a ton of laughs when you show up with "Shut Up, You're Not My Real Dad" emblazoned across your chest! Either way, it's a winner!

Gangster T-Shirt...

2009-05-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

"I noticed that you're gangster...I'm pretty gangster myself."

Get this Gangster Shirt from Clutch Tees to help you make new gangsta friends.
Need a gangsta nickname to roll with your new crew? Check out the gangsta name generator to get hooked up with some new credentials!

F*&$ land... I'M ON A BOAT!!

2009-05-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

Andy Samberg's comedic genius is celebrated with this Clutch Tees homage to the SNL digital short "I'm on a Boat".

Find the I'm On A Boat shirt here at Clutch Tees, as well as other great one liner t-shirts from television and film!

Charlie Bit Me!

2009-04-27T19:23:00.000-07:00

YouTube sensations before one of them could even walk...get a Clutch Tees t-shirt to celebrate the "Charlie Bit Me" boys from England!

Need a refresher course? See below for the priceless moment of one baby brother chewing on his big brother's hand!

Give these kids a shout out and get the Charlie Bit Me T-shirt from Clutch Tees.

Cyberdyne T-Shirt

2009-04-26T18:25:00.001-07:00

Check out our new Cyberdyne Systems shirt! It's awesome for those die hard sci-fi fans.

Sarah Connor: What about when he punched through the windshield?
Detective Vukovich: He was probably on PCP. Broke every bone in his hand and wouldn't feel it for hours.

Jackie Chilies T-shirt

2009-04-22T14:07:00.000-07:00

Ah c'mon. It hasn't been that long since Seinfeld went off the air. You remember Jackie Chili--Kramer's lawyer? From the coffee case.

And now we've got a Jackie Chilis t-shirt: Jackie Chilis Attorney-At-Law.

Scuba Steve Shirt

2009-04-16T12:18:00.000-07:00

Ah, Scuba Steve. Probably the best part of Sadler's Big Daddy, no?

Snatch yourself one of our super soft Scuba Steve shirts and show the world that you not only saw Big Daddy but loved it.

Doogie Howser Shirt

2009-04-14T11:14:00.000-07:00

Yes, before he scored that sweet role in How I Met Your Mother, Neal Patrick Harris was none other than the lovable Doogie Howser.

So grab yourself one of our super soft Doogie Howser shirts like the Trust Me: I'm A Former Pretend Doctor. Stylish but still comfy and definitely funny.

Chuck Norris T-shirt

2009-04-07T12:35:00.000-07:00

You're not as tough as Chuck Norris, but you can wear our chuck norris t-shirt and pretend.

Check it out: our brand spanking new shirt... Church Norris Forecast: Cloudy With A 90% Chance of Pain.

I'm Kind Of A Big Deal

2009-04-03T12:37:00.000-07:00

You're a huge Will Ferrell fan and Anchorman was one of your favorites. You can reel off quotes from the movie without blinking an eye. Have we got a shirt for you: the super soft, super comfy I'm Kind Of A Big Deal shirt.

And for those of you who don't remember the reference:

Ron Burgundy: I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.
Veronica Corningstone: Really.
RB: People know me.
VC: Well, I'm very happy for you.
RB: I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

Walter Doesn't Roll On Shabbos

2009-03-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

It's Shomer Shabbos--the Jewish day of rest, Donny!

That means no driving, no working, no handling money, no turning on the oven. And sure as shit no bowling, right?

You know you love the Big Lebowski. Just doesn't get old, does it? Never!

And now we've got yet another fantastic Big L t-shirt: Shomer Shabbos.

Pick one up today. (Keep in mind that it's got a slim fit.)

Bluth Arrested Development Shirt

2009-03-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

You're gonna love this Arrested Development shirt: the classy Mr Manager Bluth's Frozen Banana t-shirt.

C'mon: you remember... The Bluth Frozen Banana Stand, created by George Bluth in 1953, now run by George Michael aka Mr Manager.

Get one of our blue Manager t-shirts and you could very well start up your own frozen banana stand. Maybe!

And for some more Bluth family fun, check out Cooking With Lindsay!

Goonies!

2009-03-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

C'mon, you know you loved Goonies. Sean Astin, Corey Feldman AND Martha Plimpton? Now that's some classic 80s nostalgia for ya. So grab one of our Goonies shirts and show your retro love.

Vintage Shirts

2009-03-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

These are rare vintage t-shirt transfers from the 60s, 70s, and 80s. These retro designs are not modern reproductions and are custom heat applied with professional equipment as they are ordered. The authentic iron-on transfers are limited editions available in small quantities. Because our vintage shirts are made from limited edition transfers supply is limited, some designs may be out of stock and these vintage shirts have a limited return policy. We strongly recommend selecting one of our Extra-Soft styles for an authentic look and feel!

March T-shirt Sale

2009-03-02T08:55:00.000-08:00

Head on over to Clutchtees.com and save 10% off anything in March: just use discount code 10ML on your cart page. Fantastic, right? Now you can afford to get a couple of St Patty's Day shirts. So you can still look cool no matter how drunk you get...

Seeing Dublin

2009-02-25T05:48:00.000-08:00

You gotta check out this hilarious St Patrick's Day T-shirt, Seeing Dublin. It'll get you a laugh--and maybe even a free drink!

Even More Funny St Patty Day T-shirts

2009-02-23T14:51:00.000-08:00

You've gotta check out the tons of new funny St Patty's day t-shirts we've got over at clutchtees.com like the hilarious Alcohol=Fun and Lush O' The Irish. Check 'em all out and buy enough for you and all your friends.

Shake Your Shamrock T-shirt

2009-02-19T13:46:00.000-08:00

What's your favorite St Patty's day shirt? We've got a ton of shirts for you to choose from, so there's no excuse not to look cool this coming St Patrick's day.

So get ready to shake your shamrock!

St. Patrick's Day T-shirts

2009-02-16T10:09:00.000-08:00

We're pleased to announce new t-shirts for St Patty's Day! We also have new t-shirt color options. To see all of the new color options be sure to check out the T-Shirt (Light Colors) and T-Shirt (Dark Colors) products. Get noticed this St Pat's Day with these funny tees. Also, don't forget about these popular t-shirt designs: Office Space Quotes, Wedding Crasher Quotes, other Movie Quote Shirts, TV Show Shirts and other geek tees, political shirts and random funny tee shirt designs.

Clutch The Band

2009-02-11T17:08:00.000-08:00

Clutch, the American metal and rock band from Germantown, Maryland. These guys have been rocking the block since the early 1990's. This is the real Clutch tee! Only available in Men's Gray.

Pink Floyd T-shirt

2009-02-09T08:14:00.000-08:00

Pink Floyd, the t-shirt. Pick up this retro Dark Side Of The Moon tee, throw on some Wizard of Oz and the album, kick back and enjoy some very special brownies. (Wink).

Available in Men's Black only.

Sausage Party T-shirts

2009-02-07T13:59:00.000-08:00

Sausage party! You know, when a bunch of sausages get bored, they just throw down.... Hehehe. Get yourself one of our funny shirts today.

You'll love the super soft feel of this premium ring-spun cotton fabric. Our funny t-shirts are sure to please. Most of our tees have a slightly tapered fit; size up for more room.

USA Under New Management

2009-02-03T15:15:00.000-08:00

Excited about President Obama? So are we. So grab yourself one of our brand new USA Under New Management t-shirts and join the revolution.

American Auto Industry: Fail T-shirt

2009-01-26T14:31:00.000-08:00

Pissed off about all these bailouts? Wear our newest auto industry Fail t-shirt and let every one know how you feel.

These super soft ring spun t-shirts boast the lovely Fail/Ford logo. You're sure to love 'em so get two. Heck, get three! (Hey, you'll be doin your part to make sure the t-shirt industry doesn't need to be bailed out...)